I feel the hot water hit my skin.
I am surrounded by hot steam, taking me into a deep state.
Leaving the world, forcing me to take a walk with reality.
I close my eyes and float away.
The scene replays in my head over and over again.
from opening scene to denouement.
I must replay it 10, 20, even 40 times.
I have no idea, I lost track a while back.
At some points I only replay the beginning.
Other times just the climax.
Then I begin to break away.
I sit in the corner now wondering when I became this girl.
Enough is enough you have to let go.
I step back into my fantasy.
I replay moments full of laughter, passion, and intimacy…
I open my eyes, get up from the corner allowing my entire body into the water.
Sunlight comes in through the window.
The water, still hot.
I feel it hit my body.
I feel peace.
I ask for acceptance of the things I cannot change.
I ask to be let down,
if I must be.
I ask that I come out okay.
The water has turned cold now.