Philophobia is the term used to describe those who have a fear of falling in love, but is it the falling in love that we deeply fear, or is it the idea of getting hurt? When loving another we become vulnerable allowing the person we care for to take control of our well-being. It’s not that we want to give the person we love ability to hurt us, it just happens when we least expect it.
Many times we meet someone new and discover that this person is amazing in so many different ways. They make us laugh, keep us up all night, they make us happy. Before you know it this one person is the person that makes all your bad days turn into good days, and all your good days turn into even better days. This person literally puts a smile on your face.
Then one day it ends. You suddenly feel your entire world falling apart. Your chest holds a dark ball full of nothing, yet so heavy, and you have absolutely no idea what to do with yourself. You start to question how you got here in the first place.
Being fearful of the idea of love makes sense, but we shouldn’t be afraid of love because real love does not hurt. Most of my poems focus on the hurt that I have endured, but I encourage you to love every single day because that is the only way to find the real love that will not hurt you.
I took heart placed her in a shield.
Heart and I had lost before,
This time there would be no war.
I kept heart close to me made sure she was safe.
Deep cuts, scars
from the last battle, healing.
Heart always remained happy;
Could look into your eyes and see
I kept heart in a tiny box, keeping her safe.
Each night she pounded on the tiny walls
begging to come out.
Not tonight, not right now
You can’t come out I say to her.
Heart was with me everywhere
she could hear laughter, smiles
On my face every-time I spoke.
She desperately wanted out becoming
The pounding on the walls.
No I would say to her.
Not tonight, not right now
It’s not safe.
Heart became attentive
Long talks, laughs
She was a romantic,
She would never give up.
I was logical
I was not like heart.
Heart’s beating grew stronger yet again.
I could feel the screws coming up.
Light shone through the cracks.
I kept it that way.
Her light warm, loving
and I enjoyed her glow.
Heart had a way of making you cozy
After a long cold day.
She had a way of sending electricity
Through your body when fingers touched.
Each morning heart continued her fight.
Her light glowing,
One morning I woke to discover she had broken out.
Heart was staring directly at me.
Oh no, I thought.
But heart smiled, hugged me
radiating all her shine
she whispered softly,
You’re in love.
-Picture taken at Austin Graffiti Park 2016.